If You Fly Away Tonight
by IamTerra
Summary: I'm sorry that I never told you when we were face to face that I loved you. I lied to everyone but the one person I shouldn't have lied to was you. Now it's too late and i only have one shot to tell you the truth that I lied about. Bronzeshipping


It is a funny thing, this wretched thing, karma

It is a funny thing, this wretched thing, karma. No, let me correct myself this very moment. Karma is a fucking bitch and if it were a person, I would beat the shit out of her face and stab her until my arms could no longer repeat the notion.

I never really wanted this to happen. I-I was just so angry at the time that if I… If I only knew this was going to happen, I would have never said those hurtful words. I would have done things so differently but, I'm afraid it's too late.

My eyes are still burning and you have no idea how much I hate myself for everything. Every little thing that I did to you, I'm so sorry… I wish I hadn't been so stubborn.

Mismatched eyelids twitched ever so slightly and settled back down as quickly as they had twitched. A simple sign that you were still alive but it was also a very weak one… Could this really be the end?

"I'm sorry… You can't die, please…" I lift one of your hands up from the hospital bed and bring it to my lips, planning a gentle kiss to the top of it. I can feel the crystal tears stream down my face now from the thought of this actually being the time for you to leave me forever.

Please, just, just don't give up. For me, don't give up. I still need you. You have no idea how much I need you. How much I need to tell you something that I've been keeping from you for years.

"Malik, he's not going to make it," came a voice from behind. I didn't need to look to know it was Rishid. "The doctors said that it's hard to believe he even made it to the hospital, let alone make it for the past two days."

"Shut up! He-He made it this long. He can pull through this. I know he can!" I hope he can… It was very unlikely and now the doctors were taking sides with the grim reaper.

Another tear splattered as it hit my dark self's hand. I could hardly feel a pulse let along see his chest heave under the thin white sheets.

Why did I lie to you for so long? "We can't afford the machines any more. He's a goner. There is no hope for him to pull through… If there was then we might have been able to-"

"He _will_ make it! You can't pull the machines now!" How dare they try to speed up deaths natural process? The fools! If they had only seen his eyelids move a moment ago then they'd know he was still… Still… Fighting for life… "Just leave me alone with him a while longer," I whispered weakly.

There were a few soft footsteps and then door creaked closed somewhere behind me. I knew my step-brother had obeyed my wish but for how long would they keep this cursed machine running for before they'd totally give up on him? I knew they weren't that fond of him and I pretended to hate him but-but I was only pretending! It's not natural for a man to love another man like I did him.

"…_Malik_…" I could feel my heart skip a beat at the forced out mutter of my own name. "…_ I can't see_…" Slowly I moved my eyes upward, over his hand, up the tan arm, across the white sheet covering the faintly moving chest, till eventually my gaze was upon his once beautiful face. A large patch of skin was missing for it now and dried blood still clung to it.

Heh… He had fight in him when the nurses tried to clean his face but only enough to threaten to bash their heads into a wall if they kept dabbing alcohol into his wounds. Why did I even laugh?

"Your eyes are closed silly." They were indeed closed and one was black and blue at that.

"_Where are we?_" He coughed. Seemed it was hard for him to even get his voice above a whisper. There wasn't any blood in his coughing this time, unlike after his threat with the nurses where he went into a harsh coughing fit and blood sprayed from his lips before he collapsed down into the bed and jolted around before going motionless. I had to leave the room to hide that I was crying from that experience.

My lip trembled along with my voice. "We're in a hospital. You, you were drunk and went for a breather on the motorcycle, remember?"

"…_Really? I guess I don't._" He tried to laugh but winced half way through. My heart ached. "_Are you still mad at me?_" What a silly question!

I shook my head then remembered that he couldn't see me. "No. I'm not mad at you any more…

"_I didn't. I didn't mean to break your trust. I was-_" His hand tensed, curling tight around my own while a high pitched noise cut the air like a knife.

No! Not now, Ra, please not now! Don't take him now! The battered hand eased its hold and the horrid squeal noise subsided. A gentle rhythmic beep returned though my own heartbeat was racing compared to it.

"-_Curious_." He finished. I blinked a little then halfheartedly chuckled. He was sorry for looking through my things in his drunken state when it was me who should be sorry for going ape shit over the small matter.

"It's okay. I-I over reacted." He doesn't think he'll make it. He'd never be this kind if he were healthy. "Marik, I'm sorry." Gods how my eyes burned. If only there was a way to turn back time. I'd let him rummage through anything he wanted. Hell, he could smell of booze and run around in nothing but his underwear if he wanted. Fuck, he could be nude for all it mattered. I just wanted him back to his old self.

"…_You? You're… Sorry? That's not. That's not the Malik I know… Malik is the one who… Who puts me on track and-_" He coughed again, squeezing my hand then easing up once more. "_Would love to see me like this._"

He was so far off from the truth that it wasn't funny. Had I really been so deceiving that he couldn't see the truth for what it really was? My very soul felt like it was ripping into two. I should have never lied to him. I shouldn't have told him to get the fuck out of my room and go die in a ditch… Karma, you bitch…

"Marik, I want to tell you something." I waited for a response. A small squeeze of the hand would suffice or perhaps a light nod… Nothing happened. "M-M-Marik?"

My eyes instantly went to the medical readings. Of course it'd still read that he was breathing, that was all the machines work but it was the heart rating that I was interested in.

A green neon light still tittered up and down in small intervals. Much smaller then the ones twenty minutes ago.

"Don't die on me. I **need** to tell you something important!" His eyes still weren't open and he still didn't show much promise in making it or even if he could hear me. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for so many things…"

What I wouldn't give for the roles to be reversed. For me to be in the worse condition though the outcome would be different all together. Marik wouldn't care if I were to die, he'd laugh but it seemed far less cruel to be the one to die knowing what he felt about me then for him to believe I wanted this.

"I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. It was pointless to have done it, I was just mad at the time. I didn't have any idea that **this** was going to happen!" I lifted his hand and rubbed the back of it against my cheek, hoping he could still feel that I was here with him. "I need you to know something that I should have told you from the beginning. Can you hear me? Please let him be able to hear me or at least feel what I have to say to him…" Yes, pleading to the very gods who had allowed him to be in this state of dieing for a small and disparate wish. "I love you. Tell me you can hear me say that… At least show me you can feel it."

Silence. No, there was no silence. There was a dull droning noise.

"No…" I collapsed next to the bed and buried my face into the side of his mattress. "I'm to late… WHY? Why did I have to be so fucking stupid?" I hissed with my forehead now pressed against the bedside. My tears were trailing down my cheek halfway before gravity claimed them one by one. The transparent liquid softly pattered against the floor and with every drop, another piece of my heart fell with it.

I had missed my chance. He flew away before I could even find the words to say. "I never hated you. It was all to fool myself into trying to believe that I didn't love you but… I knew it was a lie. I couldn't… I couldn't deny that I to myself that I wanted you so I thought… I thought I'd at least fool you and now… You-you died thinking I wanted you dead more then anything but that couldn't have been more wrong!"

Ra, why had you let me be so damn stupid?

Emotions flooded my very being as the body of my loved one still heaved up and down though his heart had stopped a while ago. His soul departed before he could even know my true feelings for him…

The flat line of the machine was mocking me. Why, why wouldn't it shut up? Why couldn't it just be quite or at least have let me think he could have died knowing the truth but no-no!

I reburied my face into the thin sheet against the bed and started to howl a deep soul burning scream into the object. I knew I wasn't going to stop until the others would find me and even then I'd still feel shitty over it all. I then realized I no longer cared what they would have thought of my long secret desire to be with Marik… It wouldn't have mattered for they were going to find out once they would see me in this current state.

My screams filled the room as I imagined seeing the newest dark angel addition to the heavens watching down over me. Oh how I hoped he could at least know the truth in the afterlife but sadly, I knew I'd never know till it was my turn to join him…

(It's kind of short, I know but... I couldn't keep up with the story in my mind that needed to be written. I will actually admit to something I hate admitting to. I cried the ENTIRE time witting this. From the beginning to the very end. It didn't help that I was listening to "Things Left Unsaid" by Disciple that my awesome friend sent to me. The song was an instant favorite of mine and well... I guess really inspired this whole story. I'm still kind of teary eyed even though this story is over. So please, please, I put my soul into this one, believe me. So please, tell me what you honestly thought of it. Thank you for taking the time to read this by the way. Ja ne )


End file.
